brave.

brave.

It’s been my word since June. And I don’t normally do “words.” But brave has shown up in songs and quotes, books, baby names… it’s everywhere. And so it has become my word.

Here’s the thing. The Lord knew what He was doing when He put that word there this summer. It started off as a joke almost – because let’s face it. Brave. It’s just kind of cliché. But as the word has taken root in my heart and thoughts and actions I have begun to see and learn and love the Lord’s heart behind this.

Our culture has defined bravery as heroism or courage. And yes, those things are a function of being brave. Going sky diving is brave. Cage diving with sharks is brave. [And hey, someday maybe I will conquer those things!]

But what I have learned is that bravery isn’t so much about being the hero or doing something reckless. It’s more about the Lord then it is about me. I am brave because of the Lord. Because He can’t be moved or shaken. Because He keeps my foot from slipping. And because my fears can’t shake His promises.

Bravery is found when I acknowledge that things are hard.

It’s found when I own my story and am vulnerable.

It’s there when I hope for something more.

And it’s even there when I let myself feel the expectations that fell short.

I can be brave and I need to be brave but not because of anything in me. Bravery is an overflow of the faithfulness of the Lord. I am brave because He doesn’t fall short. Ever. And as I step out there and do the things that are hard and scary the Lord proves faithful over and over again.

So – as Brene Brown would say, lean into it. Lean into what is in front of you. It’s easy to be numb and ride the wave. Not hoping for anything or praying specifically. That isn’t living though. Be brave. Own your story. And trust that the Lord has written it exactly as He has for a reason. Christ came that we would live life to the full. So let’s be brave together and do just that.

Come thou long expected Jesus.

I don’t really know what to say. All I know is that writing is how I process, and right now, I need to process.

My sweet cousin passed away on Saturday night. He was only a senior in high school. One of the most gentle and loving kids I know. He wanted to be an architect someday. And he didn’t like hugs. I smile thinking about it – I am really, really glad now that I was the annoying cousin that hugged him anyway.

All day Friday and Saturday was spent in waiting rooms at the hospital. I don’t know how much waiting you’ve done in hospital waiting rooms. It’s weird though. Time passes like molasses and in the blink of an eye all at the same time.  For a while there, time stood still, and I had forgotten that the rest of the world was moving forward with Christmas celebrations. Then, at some point during those 50 hours I heard the hymn, “Come thou long expected Jesus,” and was snapped back to reality. And at first, it made me angry. While a tragedy like this is utterly awful any time of year, it seems especially cruel to fall 5 days before Christmas… a time when families are supposed to be together.

But then The Lord was gracious enough to show me something.

 Come thou long expected Jesus.

Born to set thy people free.

 The fact that we have a reminder of the gospel and the birth of our Savior while we are grieving is a beautiful thing. The pain and confusion my family has experienced this past weekend is exactly why we all need Christmas.

From our fears and sins release us,

Let us find our rest in thee.

We all need a savior desperately. A savior willing to be born into the mess of this world and release us from our sins. To bring us rest.

Israel’s strength and consolation,

Hope of all the earth thou art;

Without the hope that came in the form of a precious little baby boy named Jesus, my family would not be standing right now.

Dear desire of every nation,

Joy of every longing heart.

Our hearts long for a world where there isn’t pain. Where there isn’t tragedy. I know that more acutely right now than I ever have. But this world is fallen. And so that which we long for, it can only be fulfilled in Jesus Christ.

Oh, praise the one who came in a manager. Who brings us peace. And joy. And hope.  Even in the midst of tragedy.

Come thou long expected Jesus.

“The Lord is near to the broken-hearted, and saves the crushed in Spirit.” Psalm 34:18

flour & oil.

 

On Sunday night I went to an All Sons and Daughters night of worship. [Side note: Birmingham has WAY more concerts than Baton Rouge. It’s unreal!] Since then, one of their songs, Rising Sun, has been replaying in my head. Part of the lyrics say, 

Hallelujah name above all. 
Simply to speak your name is praise.

I needed this song to be stuck in my head. Because I need to be reminded that simply to utter His name upon my lips is praise. 

In this season of both answered prayers that overwhelm me with His goodness and unanswered prayers that leave me wandering in the wilderness, I need to be reminded that simply to speak His name is praise. Sometimes that’s all I have in me. And that’s okay. 

It reminds me of the story of the widow in 1 Kings 17. All she has is a handful of flour and a little oil. She is gathering sticks to prepare to die. And yet, even then, she offers that little bit she has left to Elijah as he has instructed her. We can do that too. We can bring whatever it is we have – however small, and offer it back to the one who gave it to us in the first place. Elisabeth Elliot puts it so well, “Although our “assigned portion and cup” (Psalm 16:5) seems to be a strange mixture of good and bad it is all He asks of us. We can look up and rejoice.”

Though it’s not always easy, it doesn’t take much to offer the Lord a sacrifice of thanksgiving (Psalm 116:17). We can speak His name and bring Him whatever it is we are holding in our hands. What’s important is not what we bring to His feet, but rather that we are going to His feet in the first place. Even if it’s just to bring a little flour and a little oil. 

 

I don’t like to blog.

I don’t.

I like to write. I like to journal. I like to process. But I don’t like to blog and put it all out there for the world to read. Yet, here I am. With words being typed into this little box, knowing full well that it will be posted on the internet when I click the little button at the bottom of the page.

I was reminded tonight when I was talking to a dear friend of why I started this blog in the first place.  I started a blog so I could share what the Lord is doing in my life and use it to remember where I’ve come from, where He is bringing me.

So why is this so hard? If I am writing about what the Lord is teaching me and how He is revealing Himself, what makes this so difficult? What it comes down to is that I care too much what other people think.

There. I said it.

I care what people think of what I write on here. Which is so silly. Funny thing is, though, there is freedom in saying it out loud.

What’s typed out on this page isn’t important. 

The {perfectly filtered} pictures I post to instagram don’t matter. 

My profile picture on facebook is irrelevant. 

In this social media driven, overly-connected, let’s-let-everyone-know-what-we’re-doing world, I seem to have forgotten what truly matters. I fall into the trap of wanting to create this perfect picture of who I am for the world to see, but in doing so, I so easily miss the point.

The Westminster Shorter Catechism‘s first question asks “What is the chief end of man?” Do you know what the answer is? To glorify God and enjoy Him forever. 

If I truly lived my life out of that truth, how different would my life be? Really different. I wouldn’t care so much what everyone else saw in me, I would live for the God who made me just the way I am.

So, know that this blog will continue. It will. Because sharing what He is teaching me, and doing in and through me, that brings Him glory. And it allows me to enjoy Him because it reminds me of who He is.

My time in Birmingham so far has been a sweet season – I have learned so much. So stay tuned if you are out there reading this… because I’ll be back soon to share. And if I’m not, you should ask me why not 🙂

And I, when I came to you, brothers, did not come proclaiming to you the testimony of God with lofty speech or wisdom. For I decided to know nothing among you except Jesus Christ and Him crucified… and my speech and my message were not in plausible words of wisdom… that your faith might not rest in the wisdom of man but in the power of God. [1 Corinthians 2:1-5]

For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ. [Galatians 1:10]

For we cannot help but speak of what we have seen and what we have heard! [Acts 4:20]

lately.

Slowly, but surely, this place is becoming more like home!

Here’s a peek at life lately.

[cupcake-ing]

[econ-thinking & tea-drinking]

[fall-loving]

[friend-making]

[snail mail-reading]

[birthday-celebrating]

[truth-singing]

[kickball-playing]

Give thanks to the LORD, for He is good. His love endures forever. 

[Psalm 107:1]

 

food for thought.

God is not an eternal blessing-machine for men; He did not come to save men out of pity: He came to save men because He had created them to be holy. The Atonement means that God can put me back into perfect union with Himself, without a shadow between, through the Death of Jesus Christ.

[oswald chambers]

Happy Birthday Soph!

I can’t believe my little sister is 16 YEARS OLD!

I love you and am so proud that you are my sister. In honor of your birthday, here are 16 of the things that I love most about ya. [with some really fun pictures that are randomly thrown in there!]

(1) I love that you are sassy.

(2) I love that you eat mexican food like it is going out of style.

(3) I love watching you dance. It amazes me to see how you are so committed.

(4) Even though you could work on your delivery sometimes, I appreciate all of your candid fashion advice. [let’s face it… I need it.]

(5) I love your servant-heart.

 

(6) I love how you like to hang out with the kiddos at church and love on them. Keep it up – there is nothing better than baby-snuggles 🙂

(7) I love your crazy devil’s-food-cake making skills.

(8) I love the many ways we are different. You remind me not to take myself too seriously and that a messy closet never hurt anyone!

(9) I love that you are up for the adventure of living on LSU’s campus. I wish I could be there to see more of what day-to-day life looks for you.

(10) I love that you could drink 184370981 chai tea lattes in a day.

(11) I love your sense of humor.

(12) I love riding around in the car singing the same songs with you. Over and over and over again! It’s fun. And you better bet we are going to do a lot of that when I am home in November.

(13) I love your stubborn streak. [You may or may not have gotten that from me… oops!]

(

(14) I’ve loved watching you become more independent these past few years. Especially over the summer while mom has been in Germany. Your chicken cooking skills are stellar!

(15) I love that you are artistic and I am not. Would you teach me?

(16) Most of all, I love that God gave me YOU for a sister.

I love you Sophers. I so wish I could be there to bring you La Carreta for lunch and to sing Happy Birthday to you tonight, but we’ll just have to re-celebrate when I see you next! Love you forever!

Life in the ‘Ham

Well, folks. I am writing this from the comfort of my lovely apartment in Birmingham, AL [well, technically, Homewood. But I’m still figuring out this ‘village’ stuff].  And as I am sitting here, I have successfully made it through orientation, [complete with team-building and presentations], composite pictures, a day of classes, and perhaps most impressive, parking and commuting in professional business attire to class. The struggle is real, y’all.

In all seriousness though, I have thought about updating the many people who have so sweetly checked on me during this transition, but I have resisted thus far. And the reality of it is – my time here has been so so good, but the biggest thing I’ve learned isn’t fun to confront: I am selfish.  Let me tell you… there is absolutely nothing like moving to a place where you don’t know people and don’t have community figured out yet to realize that you want life to revolve around yourself.  On Tuesday morning, my first morning here, I opened up My Utmost for His Highest, and this is what I found.

Beware of allowing self-consciousness to continue because by slow degrees it will awaken self-pity, and self-pity is Satanic. ‘Well, I am not understood; this is a thing they ought to apologize for; that is a point I really must have cleared up.’ Leave others alone and ask the Lord to give you Christ-consciousness, and He will poise you until the completeness is absolute.

I get it, Lord. Backin’ off on the pity party I have been throwing for myself. It’s hard though! My natural tendency is to think me-me-me in all this. “Gosh I wish I had fill-in-the-blank right now.” “Man, I wish that I had so-and-so to visit with.” I’ve begun to realize that I don’t need to take this transition steel-faced and without emotion, but rather, that I need to give it to the Lord – to the one who called me here in the first place.  I have so sweetly felt Him reminding me of the very thing I learned this summer – He is enough! He gives me daily bread.

For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord bestows favor and honor. No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly. [psalm 84:11]

He has provided abundantly in the one week that I have been here. Friends in my cohort, sweet camp friends reaching out and bringing me to church with them, professors I’ve already begun to build relationships with, good conversation with friends going through similar transitions, a wonderful roommate…. the list goes on and on. I have been reminded in my one week here more than ever that our God truly is Jehovah Jireh – He provides.

And so in the midst of figuring life out here in this new place, I will choose to wake up in the morning and attempt to be conscious not of myself, but of Christ, the one who is constant and in whom I can find fullness of joy.

You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy! [psalm 16:11]

 

JOY for Julia

This blog was started as a way to stay in touch with family and friends as I am moving to a new place this fall. In light of celebrating Julia’s life, this post comes first. 

Oh, Julia! You are DANCING with our Father right now. You are not bound to the sorrow and pain of this world anymore, and you are home!

I have struggled today to figure out what to do with my emotions. On one hand, I am so very sad. I long for you to still be here and wish I could time travel back to camp 2 weeks ago and hug you again. I don’t get why the Lord chose to take you home today.  But, at the same time, I am so very at peace and filled with joy. Because, Julia, you are in the presence of our Savior. You are in a place where there is no pain, and no suffering! The bible says ‘better is one day in your courts, Oh Lord,‘ and Julia, starting today you get forever and ever!

Those two emotions – deep sorrow, and deep peace, didn’t sit right with me when I first experienced them.  I felt tension all afternoon as I fought all the emotions that hit me. But what I have realized though, is that right there, in that tension, that’s where the Lord gets the glory in all this. Because the world out there can look and see how deeply we loved you and how much we miss you already, but even more so, they can see how joy-filled we are that you are face to face with our Savior right now! It doesn’t make sense – but that is the hope we have in Jesus. It is through this that the life you lived is continuing to bring people to the foot of the cross, Julia!

I will miss you when I eat nutella and whenever I step foot in Swift & Finch. I will remember you when I eat chocolate pie with whipped cream and whenever I see the book Cold Tangerines. And I will never, ever be able to be at a Chippewa/Catawba turtle tug without thinking about you on the side of the pool dancing!

Friend, thank you for living life to the full and showing me Jesus. What a gift it was to spend this summer with you.

For a day in your courts is better than a thousand elsewhere. I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God than dwell in the tents of wickedness. For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord bestows favor and honor. No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly. Psalm 84:10-11